Meditating on who I am compared to whoever they want to be.

In the past I was a fornicator, liar, cheater, manipulator, thief, but also a person who had faith and integrity, tried to please everyone, a Robin Hood of sorts, and had good taste. I was mentally ill and tried to obey the laws I could especially the laws I agreed on. I did my best to avoid every single downfall and do the right thing, however I always failed to do the right thing, ie would be raped if I didn’t agree to sex and would want to stay home and someone would show up to tempt me into making the same mistakes over and over. My life has been a scenario of torture and in exchange for salvation I got voices after voices, psychosis in exchange for real relationships I liked to think I could have had. I didn’t have them. Cold as ice.

Published by: Elaine M

I’m a magical 44 year old who bargains she will experience joy and happiness someday and has aversion to the great pain and suffering from the past, who longs for the enlightenment of all in a gentle and loving way.

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