We have left the whorehouse

For the longest time, since the day I was born I was an uncommunicative autistic and paranoid schizophrenic, completely unaware of the psychological issues, just nagging imbalances in my crown and solar plexus. My mom found my rage poetry, words. I could express about hatred for her, for everyone whom was impossible to form emotional bonds with who seemed to hate and make fun of me, my suicidal nature and self harm, it was all in a binder, I was so proud of my bitter angry words, but she threw it in my face. How could I feel that way. No understanding of mental illness or counseling, offers of therapy, she just beat me on a regular basis and spoke with vitriol and spite at me for things like not comprehending math and forgetting things I couldn’t remember. Little did I know I would be forced to be dependent on this toxic non assisting person because my capacity to make money was not great when my luck at being an exotic dancer was gone. Other chakras went out of balance. Demonic, tantric, spicy, dark energy coursed through my body 24/7 frightening me, my organs twitched and my mind was racing, constantly dictating, envisualizing, having mental images of the folks I thought I cared about having sex with a faceless redhead. I lay in bed hallucinating spirit after spirit descending on me and possessing me. Night after night, day after day. When I got up and went out I saw ghosts, demons, and the physical people I saw were representations of folks I knew in real life. I tried summoning demons, they were very real to me. I was still possessed. The trees, the earth, looked like it was through a filter, as if I wasn’t on this plane. The astral plane. I could see footprints on the grass, taking steps. I poured holy water over my head, over everything really because there were astral beings fucking me and having orgies in my mind. There was a significant hallucination of a black girl smoking crack with a aura of her menstrual cycle. A hallucination of my ex husbands phone number on the refrigerator and my mom smoking crack with him and sleeping with the whole world. I spoke to her at that time – a sane mind would never elect to do such a thing nor associate with people like that. Taking antipsychotics has definitely made my mental illness less interesting. Now most of it is as it was before chris the lightbringer came into my life with all of this intensified brand of awareness, now I get angry at my mom every day irrationally, it’s all about death, a battle for my life and a question of who is owed one. I have fought hard for salvation. Paid exorcists and deacons to forgive me and bring me peace, said prayers and anointed with holy oils. Drank a little, am no wife, am no widow, I work for a nice company and have a college education, consider myself successful, content and am no longer a non communicative autistic schizophrenic. I do try to keep the weird in me to a minimum so that I can fit in, however the sole sin I have is being with the one I have been with for 12 years and healing a physical, mental, spiritual, evil, sex addiction, psychosis, autism, and not being able to say anything about it. Have left my moms whorehouse.

Published by: Elaine M

I’m a magical 44 year old who bargains she will experience joy and happiness someday and has aversion to the great pain and suffering from the past, who longs for the enlightenment of all in a gentle and loving way.

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s