Like something made me forget the basic needs and things I needed to have patience and peace. I feel angry and irritated
For all things I blame my parents. it has been our communications that have made me drink because I was dealing with resentment that can never be cured, for psychosis, for their marriage, for their fucking cold sore, for the paranoia. I feel like they are trying to kill me, like I wasn’t included because I resented their abuse so I missed out on something and now I am forgetting all the things I need to be a balanced individual, my coffee cup, my watch. I just remember the vitriol, the hostility, I am not grateful for them making me lose independence, money, for making me powerless, for abuse which is covered up as tough love. I don’t like becoming them. They’ve placed everyone above me and me as the root of all evil. They blame me for things they have not reaped the benefits of because all things should benefit them. I’m scared my anger is driving me down a vicious cycle. I need peace from mental illness. God thinks I can handle this so he gave it to me. I could really handle a more peaceful luxurious life right now. I don’t want to be a bottom feeder. I want to be a queen.