I love my boyfriend so much. He’s the 1 and only for my whole life and future. I want nothing more than him, olive, and Amanda in my life, my mind, my reality, forever. I want to move to Melbourne and live next to olive and Amanda and enjoy mental health with all of us. I only have it sometimes. I don’t want the meh of autism and schizophrenia but whatever intimacy with him can happen, I want it. I am afraid sometimes there is no hope for a connection that is good but there are times when it’s awesome. We went over how sometimes we can’t watch tv. Big giant gap in my brain when trying to recall plot of last five min and can’t project the future. The history in the movie is erased and I am staring at words I can’t understand. That happens in my head a lot. I’m filled with shame as I’m trying to grasp my boyfriends words as he’s talking to me, and I’m so sad that I can’t connect to him and hear our special moment together. There are so many moments I’d love to have, I live for moments. Every moment. They are mine and his and theirs and ours. Tired of no comprendo, tired of getting irritated that I think I’m subconsciously retaliating against an attack, story of my life. Hey but we got a good connection, 940 mbps, that’s my lucky charm, here’s to great connections with family.