I said my prayers, I confessed to the lord, I committed a sin, and now I’m in physical, emotional and spiritual pain more than ever before, I’m afraid i will never be forgiven, u guess I was selfish to look out for myself seeking forgiveness when so many ppl out there never seek it out, don’t suffer to the extent I do and I’m truly at the point where I believe I do not believe the lord wants me to be happy, thinks I deserve peace or happiness, and I cannot be forgiven and only deserve death for the schizophrenic bad intentions I’ve had due to thoughts that were placed there due to my pain which I have to pay for.my good intentions as well as my bad intentions make me suffer, there is nothing but suffering, my friends and family are the enemy and my boyfriend is even acting like one. He criticizes me to his mom, he fucking is way more excited about trip he’s taking with his mom than trip he’s taking with me and he’s taking the trip on our anniversary. I hear them watching all “our” shows together. I don’t want to live with moms forever. Let me out. I want someone I can trust. All my life it’s great fun to damn Elaine and make her jealous. So sorry god gave u all your gifts.